Happy Fu*kin Fathers Day

I went up to the parents for Fathers Day weekend -bought the card and a present. My father and I were talking in the kitchen and I said:
"your favorite Granddaughter is still in Texas and will not be here"-
He said : " I really don't have a favorite they are both great kids
My nieces are 21 and almost 24.
I said: "Yes, Tom and Karen ( my brother and sister in law), raised wonderful women. Karen , really was always in their world. Even in High School and college -I don't think a day went by when she didn't talk with them. Sometime I thought it was to much -but I was wrong -because it worked -they are wonderful, thoughtful woman."

"Yea" my dad said, " it was a good thing you never had children . you would have made a lousy parent."

I couldn't talk. I just looked at him. A thousand things -possible responses went through my brain. MY BRAIN SCREAMED - He is right -just look at what you had to use as an example. But I said nothing. He had a shit eating grin -like he just said it to be mean look. Then I realized I didn't care -he couldn't hurt me anymore -whatever he said couldn't hurt anymore. so I said:

"You can say anything you want to me , it doesn't matter, I will never be a parent and I cant change the past."

"You would have ignored your kids, they would have played in the street and you would have let them"

"No". I said, "I wouldn't have let my children play in the street." he wanted a fight I think -but I no longer cared and left the room

When I told my mother, she laughed and said well look at his example.
What ?
When I told a couple of my male friends .
They BOTH said did you ask him Why?
That was weird both males had the same reaction -I never though to ask Why? he said that.
Then one said -well you don't much like him anyway, don't let it bother you.

It doesn't . Yet it does and I cant seem to get past it -Oh not what he said . I can never be a parent -that is in the past. What bothers me is the nasty comment.

The fast cutting comment. That hurts for a minute, and no one asks WHY you said it -they just accept it as part of you.

OMG I did inherit that from him. I do make those brain farts. I did it recently to my niece in front of her friends and family. When I apologised she forgave me immediately. Now, she will make a wonderful parent. My other niece was very angry and called me the next day to let me know. She will also make a wonderful parent. I cant believe I said what i did and if I could give the rest of my life to never have said that hurtful thing -i would. I don't remember now why I said it, and she never asked Why ?. She just forgave me.

Can the next generation teach us to heal?

I am sorry Rach.

I forgive you, dad.