Why didn't anyone Tell me?

Mammogram Machine

The Squisher

                                                                                                              Today was my annual mammogram -Yuck- a modern age torture of my breasts -Ok so it is a life saving test but still it is VERY uncomfortable -a little funny -you have to step out of your body to get the humor - so it is necessary to be squeezed and handled by a woman stranger -BUT it is only once a year.

 

I also had a Pelvic Ultra sound. Last year when they were trying to find out why I was having pain in my right chest -I had a series of tests that started with a colonoscopy and ended with an ultra sound of my gall bladder that was filled with stones. Long story short I ran out of co-pay money and patience for tests and never had the last ultra sound. A pelvic ultra sound that was recommended as a result of the last test. 

So today over a year later, I had the test. First the Doctor never even hinted as to what this test entailed. I had had an ultra sound before -with the slimy stuff they smear on you and then the thing that sends sonar waves thru the layers of fat -and I have alot - it hurt because the technician pushed so hard into my fat. Now 22 lbs lighter I am back. I had to drink 32 oz of water and not use the bathroom until after the test was completed. Ha I would drink the water forget and use the bathroom then remember and have to drink all over again. 

I get to the Imaging office and wait about 15 min and they call me -a nice woman tech has me lie on the table -lower my pants and underwear to the pubic line and she slimes me to take picures of my kidneys etc. Then she says to empty my bladder /whipe off the slime and return for the internal test.

Did she say IN ternal? Why didnt I know this? Strange. I come back to be asked to remove my pants and underwear/ lay on a table with a square under my hips and cover myself with a sheet. 

Then she hands me a long -12 inches / about 1 &1/3 finger wide cylinder like probe -attached to a cord. She says insert this into the vaginal opening -HELLO? say WHAT?

How come no one told me what to expect. It is uncomfortable and hurts a bit -she the puts her hand under the sheet and takes control -very professional -very young female stranger.

I start to laugh -and say i am writting about this in my blog -no one will believe it. I asked her if women talk -she said usually older woman who give her TMI (to much info) like : "no one has stuck anything in me since my husband died";& " I am so dry" etc... 

I said they should at least buy you dinner first -but really both my GP and the GYN should have prepared me about what this test entailed -she smiled and shrugged -and said it is just a test-ok I was a little nervous. Then it was over and I then I had the mammogram.

Internal Ultra Sound Probe

Both Tech's said we would have the results in 5 days. I really dont care -it IS, what it is ..................I want an hour HOT shower -I have been slimmed.