The Calvary is not Coming!

I left my home on Christmas Eve day ,for my trip to my families home in Pennsylvania. Over the river and thru the woods -just like the song. I am glad my car knew the way because I was still not feeling that well -I was at the next to last day of a course of anti bio tics for this throat/chest infection. But my parents were home for a week from Florida and I wanted to be with family. I had decorated the house when I was up for Thanksgiving -and Mother said she was very surprised and pleased, how festive the house looked. My sister in law vacuumed for me since I couldn't get up before the parents got home and my sister dusted.

I was able to get to a Christmas Eve Church Service at Trinity Episcopal Church in Aston Mills -it is a really old tiny church -maybe 150 years old -I had never been there and friends of mine have started going and the husband even sings in the 9 person choir. The organ sounds terrible and needs to be worked on but those 9 people are the best small choir I ever heard. They could and should sing without music. They are that good. The service had about 25 to 30 people Christmas Eve and the interim pastor (they are looking) was female and gave a wonderful sermon. I wonder why she isn't staying? Over on the other side of the river in Merchantville NJ, the big Episcopal Church is also looking for a rector. I usually stop in there for a visit a couple times a year. Christmas Eve in this church is awesome also. But I have heard their interim woman pastor preach and truthfully you could not PAY me to go back to that church while she is there. Talk about awful. Unfortunately the vestry search committee feels the same - I hope God guides their choice -otherwise ?-well they must be desperate.

Christmas Day and I am smelling up the house with cookies , my parents and I open our presents and listen to the Messiah on tape. We get ready and head over to my brother's home. His family has Christmas Dinner for our family and my sister in law's family. It is very nice. After buffet dinner and cleaning up -Karen passes out words to Christmas songs. Then we all sing. No music -just us. We laugh and for 12 Days of Christmas all take a verse 12/5/1 are sung together -but the other verses are sung by groups of people sitting together. Our Dad and Karen's Dad are usually sitting together -neither one can hear or walk well any longer -but they can sing loud! We all laugh, then before anyone leaves we take a picture. This year one of my nieces boyfriend, Scott, took the pic. The other niece ,now living in Texas , was able to be home but her significant other was taking his finals for the Houston Police Academy. He said the classes are difficult; maybe next year he will be able to come and visit. My sister hasn't met him yet but sent a Dunkin Donut Gift Cert down to him (LOL get it; cops love donuts)

The next day we hosted a Turkey dinner for my brother and sister and their families. I was exhausted, it has been 7 weeks since my stent heart surgery and my energy level is not up to par. Mother did well -but she was tired also. Sat was a rest day. Sunday I dove her over to Pennsauken NJ to see her sister and the families resulting from her three sons. Whew! only 4 people were missing. My cousins' son, Ric, -who was on Coast Guard Duty in Cape May and my other cousins daughter and husband and three month old daughter. Cathy is in the Air Force in Tuscon AZ. But they will be back in Feb for the Christening. I can not wait to meet Chloe. My Aunt has 4 Great grandchildren now. How wonderful is that! We have a great Family. I am so glad my mother was able to see everyone.

Tues had my retinaologist eye apt. He is very pleased no new retina leeks, no swelling and next apt in 4 months. Considering the trauma to my body and the blood sugar highs from the operation meds -he was pleased and so was I. Yea!

Wed I took my parents to the airport to fly back to Ft Myers and drove home to southern NJ.

I walked into a very cold house and the back glass door to my porch was open. The glass had been smashed. I called my brother who asked if the glass was inside the house -I said yes and he said the house had been broken into, Go check my Jewelry and yes -my dresser has been ransacked and one dresser drawer was missing. I found a loose charm from a 40 year old silver charm bracelet on the floor. Crap. My brother said call the police . So I did. A nice State Trooper came and went thru my house and attic. I never even thought about someone still being in the house -but the house was cold so it could have been open for days. Well I went around to my neighbors and told them and said the police may be coming to talk to them. Seven weeks from the heart surgery -I need this stress?

Then, settled down to clean up some glass and find something to stop the wind and cold from coming in the broken door. I am angry and wonder when I will get a hold of my insurance man -who seems to be closed for the holiday. My cousin, Dave, said he will come down on Sat and see if he can help me get a glass for the door. or something to see me thru until I can get a new door with a deadbolt. I really like my glass door. This sucks.

My closest friend across the street was at work. Her phone was not working so I went over later, when I saw her car. Her daughter in law -who lives in the neighborhood -came to the back door with her cell phone , while we were talking-so I told her about the break in. My neighbor then said her son was in Rehab in Florida. He had a drinking and drug problem -did some time -turned his life around -got married -became a Dad and started gambling and stealing from his wife -so he relapsed ,spent some time in the County jail did some rhab got out and was to start a program this Monday but decided he needed to go to Fl to a rehab there? OK- not my business and I said I would talk to her later and left.

Next thing I know the daughter in law is at my door with her cell and hands it to me and says it is her husband in the rehab in Florida. YOU guessed it -he was abusing some substance and broke into my house by smashing the back door glass, and stole some jewelry. I asked him what he took and he said he hadn't fenced it yet, it was in a hat at his mothers. His wife recovered it and brought it back to me - ALL, I think, that he took? Matt cried and begged me not to go to the police -but of course it was to late. The police already had been here.

So I called back the neighbors I had warned. Called the Trooper -who came back over -on New Years Eve and they were VERY busy. I told him the story. he went to talk to Matt's wife. I don't know if he went back to the neighbors he had already interviewed. I spent New Year's Eve on the phone talking to my sister, my brother in law (an ex cop) , our friend Carol, my brother, my cousin, Dave and my best friend in Las Vegas -both with Federal Law Enforcement experience. I am upset. If the trooper had come back to my house -I would have asked for a hug. This is when I HATE being alone.

I wasn't able to get to sleep until after 3am -but this morning at 9, I got a call from the wife -who came to my house and cried on my couch for an hour. How the system had failed Matt and he needed help. How he made bad choices and he is going to loose everything and go back to prison. How it was only things and he could have done so much more damage but he didn't. And he told where the items were. I kept thinking how my friend , his mother, would cry at my table and say the same things and how, when her sons were teens, she would worry and try to get her insurance to pay for rehab for them both. Where does it stop? Do we have different rules for regular people and ones for substance abusers? Yes I am glad he admitted to the theft and didn't fence the most personal piece of jewelry I ever owned. He may have gotten $50.00 ? But he SHOULD have told the truth. That is what responsible people do. God bless his wife and son, I hope they can reclaim their lives, but I am the VICTIM.

I have this motto that runs thru my head when I am in trouble.
The Calvary isn't coming -you are going to have to save yourself. I say a prayer and do what needs to be done.

When will Matt stop looking for that magical grain of sand on the beach that will cure him? or that counselor who will help him stay sober? His wife seems to think he is in danger of taking his life. That would be a waste, but I think that may be what he is slowly doing to himself. What a selfish man. His Father had substance abuse problems and never worked thru it in AA; now Matt may take the selfish way out and his son will have all that to work out for himself. When does it end? Who breaks the cycle? A mother and a wife that spout excuses. When does the abuser say enough and save himself? I am the victim, I have seen this man grow up and I thought mature. When he was first married and bought their first house , I invited them to walk thru my house and anything they wanted I would have given them. But they only took a roll of fabric. Why did he break my door in? I wonder if it was the only time he broke in? His wife said Yes it was the only time. But I wonder. At one time his mother had my key. I have since changed the locks. Now I have to go through that expense again. I am still upset but now I am pissed.

About 15 minutes after she left -I got a call from the Sate Police to come down to the station so they could make a tape recording of why I called 911 and what Matt said to me on the phone and how my missing items were recovered. I go in and tell what I know first hand / no opinions /ask some questions and leave. Maybe it took 20 minutes.

I hope he gets help. Apparently the Trooper has spoken to him and if he can get out of rehab and come back to NJ and sign his arrest papers(?) by this Monday; they will not lock him up then but schedule him for a court date. But if he feels this rehab is helping him in FL and he cant leave yet -they will issue a warrant for his arrest and he will probably be arrested in FL. but not sent back to NJ.

At this point I HOPE their house sells, his wife moves back to Pa. and his mother moves to FL.

I don't hope for Matt anymore.

The Calvary isn't coming , he needs to save himself.