A Frog Story by R. L Simpson 03/20/20ten .
I was closing up the gym. Well I was locking up –everyone had gone at closing time –I locked the doors and decided to do my workout routine Legs and arms and stretches and cardio Though Lord knows I did enough cardio just cleaning the bathrooms. We moved from a small gym in a busy shopping center where we parked in front. To a new gym four times the size and 4 extra bathrooms and urinals –(urinals are just weird). Extra shower stalls with no privacy and lots and lots of gym equipment. It was a pain to clean.
Anyway we now park in the back by the entrance, hidden from the busy street in front. It is a big back parking lot, Storage Units on one side and little kids dance studio on the other side. Tall security lights on timers that echoed the hours the businesses were opened. Behind us was a swamp or ‘environmentally friendly drainage; and Frogs sung a very loud chorus every night. I loved their songs.
By the time I left the gym, it was so foggy I could not see my hands in front of me. Security Lights were off. In fact I did a Three Stooges Eye Poke and missed my one eye and hit the other eye, with the wrong finger. I winced and laughed. Mostly to hear noise because the frogs were quiet and it felt like what I would hope an enchanted evening would feel like. Magical. I couldn’t find my car so I pressed the lock on my keys and could hear the beep sound but could not see the lights. Great, I thought, this would be a fun drive home.
I literally bumped into the back of my car. The alarm sound had echoed off to my right, the car was to my left. I hand walked slowly, along the side of the car to my door, opened only the driver’s door and got in. I locked the doors and rolled up all the windows, before I started the car. As the engine started, I looked down at the odometer reading –it was 7777.7 . WOW how cool it that –LUCKY 7’s! maybe I will stop at the grocery store and buy a Lottery ticket because it is to far and foggy to go to Atlantic City tonight.
I backed the car out and drove slowly out of the lot. I should have realized something was wrong when I didn’t hear the first speed bump, but I was so excited about seeing all lucky 7’s . I never heard the second speed bump either and my car speed increased.
I must have done a little air over the end of the lot, because I realized I had gone the wrong way in the parking lot, as my all wheel drive SUV started to sink into the environmentally friendly deep drainage swamp..
OH man, I thought, How am I going to get myself out of this one. It was 2 hours after closing. I was not on the schedule to work for 2 weeks. I lived alone, no one would even start looking for me for days. Of all the times to forget my cell phone.
I looked up and there on the window of my closed Moon Roof is the biggest frog I have ever seen. He is not singing. He is however moving his mouth. “WOW , A talking frog”, I think to myself.
I still have engine power but the car is sinking fast, I open the moon roof.
The frog yells down. “R U Nuts? -Cars aren’t allowed in the swamp”. The frog has an Old English accent.
I yell back “I am dead, right?’
Frog says: “No Princess. but when you get the bill for this little wrong turn , your gonna wish you were.”
“What do I do?” Oh dear, I am asking a talking frog with an English accent what to do. And I started to cry. Now I NEVER cry –well mostly never and never in front of people> or ah> Frogs
" Ok Drama Queen –Is it my turn to talk now? My friends and I can help but it will cost you." says the Frog
"What?" said I.
Frog: (yelling louder) "IT WILL COST YOU"
The car has now sunk to the window tops. I should have tried to get out earlier. I need to close the moon roof or try to crawl out quick. The opening is small and I am large –but I have nothing to loose. I did have lucky 7’s.today, right? I unbuckle my seat belt and start to stand.
"You will never make it thru the swamp without my help" says the English frog.
"Ok so help me". (Am I still talking to a frog? Did I hit my head?)
"The cost for help will be a kiss." the Frog drools " Do you accept?"
"What?" I said stalling for divine intervention.
"It will cost you A Kiss". he repeats with smirkie frogness
"Oh ok" I say with defeat," but no tongue."
He drawls himself up; indignant and says:" I am an English Frog NOT a French Frog."
I Grimaced and stuck my head out the moon roof.
He LIED !
The Frog planted one sloppy tongue french Kiss on me.
Jeeze, My arms and legs and pocketbook were still in the car.
Apparently English frogs like tongue kisses like most Males.
POOF !
Well to make a long story short. : All frogs can talk if they want to, Frogs don’t have lucky numbers and some males have magical tongues,
AND
I hopped right out of that car and joined in the chorus.
I just love frog songs.
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