Saturday is our family reunion -we have been planning it for -oh I don't know -4 months? Anyway it is my Maternal Grandfather's side of the family. He had a brother and three sisters. The sisters never had any children that lived and so that connection died -once I think my grandfathers first cousin(s) came. One even brought some of his grandchildren -but they had so much more money than we did and were spoiled shits -we tried but they never came back. Now his brothers children and their families are starting to fall away. Illness, distance, lack of interest other commitments.
The story goes that my grandfathers father "The Hampton" came to the US from Scotland with his first cousin"The Henderson" . They had gotten in young men trouble with the local football team (Rugby) drinking etc... and the parents decided to send them to the sisters and brothers all now living near Philly. They came with their bag pipes ( left in the attic of my great-grand mothers house -the bag had rotted away and no one wanted them) and their clubs (golf clubs in a linen white bag -we may still have them) and their plaids (lost forever). Who knows if it was true. We lost track of the bothers and sisters of my Great-grand father. And the stories have migrated over the years.
I actually made it to Scotland -not to Aberdeen -but I kept saying to my sister all the time we were there -all these men look like Uncle Charles -my grandfathers brother. smile I never saw anyone that looked like my grandfather who was very tall and thin and had piercing blue eyes. Eyes and a look that made you want to confess to chopping down all the cherry trees in the world. I now realize he must have been a genetic throwback to some beserker Nordic raider that landed in Aberdeen and left his seed to co-mingle in my family genes.
No one knows that story. I just haven't written it yet. :))))))
I am looking forward to this reunion. My mother started hosting it after my Grandfathers sister got to old (so the family thought) for the work involved. And as my Grandfathers oldest girl grandchild -alot of work IS involved. My Mother sort of decided not to have it any more. When we were little my Grandfather's four children and their families (both boys and both girls married and had children -Total 11 living grandchildren) all got together at my grandparents home in York, Pa for Thanksgiving.
I cant remember when the summer reunions started. the first one I remember, was in 1956 my grandfathers mother , Kate's , 80th birthday. I think that would have made her 24 when her first child was born -my grandfather. She had married when she was 23. I think back then, she must have been an old maid.
The story goes that she met my Grandfather when he walked into the weaving room of the mill where she worked in Lima, Pa. She remembered a man with a plaid scarf and a Scottish bough so think she could barely understand him. He was on a job interview and said he decided to marry her the minute he saw her. I think he was younger than she was.
Every birthday and special occasion he would write her these terrible rhyming poems in her cards. My mothers brother recently gathered as many as he could find and copied them into a book for his sisters, We have since copied and recopied them and now all grandfathers Chas's children have a copy. sweet. I will have to remember to bring it to the reunion.
Recently my grandfathers girl grandchildren have decided to try the reunions again. Not at my parents, but at a park. It is a first for our summer reunion. Our cousin from California and her Missionary brother and his family from Africa are going to be there. But alot of people have sent their regrets and now my parents aren't coming.
This why I am so glad we all are on the Internet . I will be able to write a letter and upload pictures to everyone that didn't come. So next year -and I really mean it -everyone that is Healthy enough to come -will rearrange their lives to participate in something so wonderful their children will want to continue.
I think it is called Family.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Happy Fu*kin Fathers Day
I went up to the parents for Fathers Day weekend -bought the card and a present. My father and I were talking in the kitchen and I said:
"your favorite Granddaughter is still in Texas and will not be here"-
He said : " I really don't have a favorite they are both great kids
My nieces are 21 and almost 24.
I said: "Yes, Tom and Karen ( my brother and sister in law), raised wonderful women. Karen , really was always in their world. Even in High School and college -I don't think a day went by when she didn't talk with them. Sometime I thought it was to much -but I was wrong -because it worked -they are wonderful, thoughtful woman."
"Yea" my dad said, " it was a good thing you never had children . you would have made a lousy parent."
I couldn't talk. I just looked at him. A thousand things -possible responses went through my brain. MY BRAIN SCREAMED - He is right -just look at what you had to use as an example. But I said nothing. He had a shit eating grin -like he just said it to be mean look. Then I realized I didn't care -he couldn't hurt me anymore -whatever he said couldn't hurt anymore. so I said:
"You can say anything you want to me , it doesn't matter, I will never be a parent and I cant change the past."
"You would have ignored your kids, they would have played in the street and you would have let them"
"No". I said, "I wouldn't have let my children play in the street." he wanted a fight I think -but I no longer cared and left the room
When I told my mother, she laughed and said well look at his example.
What ?
When I told a couple of my male friends .
They BOTH said did you ask him Why?
That was weird both males had the same reaction -I never though to ask Why? he said that.
Then one said -well you don't much like him anyway, don't let it bother you.
It doesn't . Yet it does and I cant seem to get past it -Oh not what he said . I can never be a parent -that is in the past. What bothers me is the nasty comment.
The fast cutting comment. That hurts for a minute, and no one asks WHY you said it -they just accept it as part of you.
OMG I did inherit that from him. I do make those brain farts. I did it recently to my niece in front of her friends and family. When I apologised she forgave me immediately. Now, she will make a wonderful parent. My other niece was very angry and called me the next day to let me know. She will also make a wonderful parent. I cant believe I said what i did and if I could give the rest of my life to never have said that hurtful thing -i would. I don't remember now why I said it, and she never asked Why ?. She just forgave me.
Can the next generation teach us to heal?
I am sorry Rach.
I forgive you, dad.
"your favorite Granddaughter is still in Texas and will not be here"-
He said : " I really don't have a favorite they are both great kids
My nieces are 21 and almost 24.
I said: "Yes, Tom and Karen ( my brother and sister in law), raised wonderful women. Karen , really was always in their world. Even in High School and college -I don't think a day went by when she didn't talk with them. Sometime I thought it was to much -but I was wrong -because it worked -they are wonderful, thoughtful woman."
"Yea" my dad said, " it was a good thing you never had children . you would have made a lousy parent."
I couldn't talk. I just looked at him. A thousand things -possible responses went through my brain. MY BRAIN SCREAMED - He is right -just look at what you had to use as an example. But I said nothing. He had a shit eating grin -like he just said it to be mean look. Then I realized I didn't care -he couldn't hurt me anymore -whatever he said couldn't hurt anymore. so I said:
"You can say anything you want to me , it doesn't matter, I will never be a parent and I cant change the past."
"You would have ignored your kids, they would have played in the street and you would have let them"
"No". I said, "I wouldn't have let my children play in the street." he wanted a fight I think -but I no longer cared and left the room
When I told my mother, she laughed and said well look at his example.
What ?
When I told a couple of my male friends .
They BOTH said did you ask him Why?
That was weird both males had the same reaction -I never though to ask Why? he said that.
Then one said -well you don't much like him anyway, don't let it bother you.
It doesn't . Yet it does and I cant seem to get past it -Oh not what he said . I can never be a parent -that is in the past. What bothers me is the nasty comment.
The fast cutting comment. That hurts for a minute, and no one asks WHY you said it -they just accept it as part of you.
OMG I did inherit that from him. I do make those brain farts. I did it recently to my niece in front of her friends and family. When I apologised she forgave me immediately. Now, she will make a wonderful parent. My other niece was very angry and called me the next day to let me know. She will also make a wonderful parent. I cant believe I said what i did and if I could give the rest of my life to never have said that hurtful thing -i would. I don't remember now why I said it, and she never asked Why ?. She just forgave me.
Can the next generation teach us to heal?
I am sorry Rach.
I forgive you, dad.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Day 2
Annie (anniedaze.blogspot.com) and I went to the second day -of the North Wildwood Beach Writers Conference. Well she was there first I was sort of late and she well, REMINDED me it was my idea to get there early and network. Sorry. I did pay the ULTIMATE price . She picked out seats in the (i kid you not ) front row! I think the last time I sat in the front row was a Roberta Flack concert at Penn State, oh and a Star Wars Movie in the theater. -Both were awesome. This was ok. I moved us right before the last speaker of the conference, to a table in the back where we both could stretch and take notes on self publishing -the last topic. HA
Today the first speaker actually had us introduce ourselves and where we were from and a little brag if we wanted to -it was nice and again i asked myself what am I doing with these people? But it was strange the group started to open up after that and talk a little more.
The second speaker was our writers group facilitator, Dr. Sue Jacobson. She spoke on memoir writing.We just love her and the group (which was now about 40 -50 people) seemed very receptive and interested. She invited local writers to join our group and encouraged out of town writers to form their own local writers group. She even gave her Phone number along with her email address. That was a nice touch. Sue spoke to Annie and I from the podium and asked us to tell about the Avalon Library Writers group and what we were writing. At least I think that was what she asked -Annie went first -I sort of had a deer in the headlights moment -smile. Afterwards people actually came up and talked to me and introduced themselves and asked about the writers group. Annie said people approached her also.
For lunch we walked the boards -the three of us -down to Macks Pizza (ah I had ah salad- yeah -ok) we gathered a couple of people from the conference who walked along with us and ate lunch with us. That was when the best part came -networking and sharing stories and meeting other writers. Very prolific and published writers and even they were impressed with Annie's two books. I am such a novice when it comes to these people. Why am I here?
At this point I am getting more out of Annie and Sue and the people I am meeting than the conference. It is interesting, but I think I am not the audience the conference wanted to reach. I find my thoughts drifting, only to be lured back in by the speakers reference to something that triggers another mind drift. Why in the world am I sitting on these hard chairs? Oh yea for the information and the last speaker on self publishing.
The last speaker -self publishing -couldn't make it -sent a very nice substitute speaker on the history of publishing.
I left. Annie came with me.
Dinner was at 7pm -it was 4:15. We walked the boards. Talked about the conference. Annie was not feeling well and skipped the dinner and keynote speaker. I dropped in for a little visit with my cousin Dave in the Crest.
Dinner -I was 15 min early and almost everyone was there -the conference room had been cleared already. I sat with about six others. We introduced ourselves and talked about what we wrote -ah -now this is what I had been looking for from the first day. Dinner was good. But I wish the menu had been announced -I would have asked for the chicken to be served without the sauce. I paid for it, so I ate it and enjoyed it! LOL I talked about my blog and found a woman and her husband and friend, from exit 100 on the parkway, that had been to Rocking Horse Dude ranch. What a HOOT! They loved it also!
The keynote speaker was a Vivian Grey who wrote a book :"Moe Berg, The Spy behind Home Plate". She was excellent. Ok, so I still don't know why I am here -but I am having an interesting time and so humbled by all the awesome passion these writers have for their craft.. I don't mean just the speakers, but the conference members as well.
After dinner the winners were announced for the short story and poem entry. The winner was from our table. A woman who joined us after dinner. She was asked if she would like to read her story. It was a sensory description of her trip to the Great Wall of China. It was WOW!
It was good. It was like being able to reach out and absorb her memory of the trip. I could hear it, feel it and smell it.
I now know why I was at this conference. It all came together in this one point in time, After this one reading of a short story by a woman whose name I never even wrote down, Angela something. It all became clear. I may never write a book or even publish. I truthfully don't care.
I was here to be inspired.
Because I know I am a creative writer.
And that is exactly who I want to be, now that I am all grownup.
Today the first speaker actually had us introduce ourselves and where we were from and a little brag if we wanted to -it was nice and again i asked myself what am I doing with these people? But it was strange the group started to open up after that and talk a little more.
The second speaker was our writers group facilitator, Dr. Sue Jacobson. She spoke on memoir writing.We just love her and the group (which was now about 40 -50 people) seemed very receptive and interested. She invited local writers to join our group and encouraged out of town writers to form their own local writers group. She even gave her Phone number along with her email address. That was a nice touch. Sue spoke to Annie and I from the podium and asked us to tell about the Avalon Library Writers group and what we were writing. At least I think that was what she asked -Annie went first -I sort of had a deer in the headlights moment -smile. Afterwards people actually came up and talked to me and introduced themselves and asked about the writers group. Annie said people approached her also.
For lunch we walked the boards -the three of us -down to Macks Pizza (ah I had ah salad- yeah -ok) we gathered a couple of people from the conference who walked along with us and ate lunch with us. That was when the best part came -networking and sharing stories and meeting other writers. Very prolific and published writers and even they were impressed with Annie's two books. I am such a novice when it comes to these people. Why am I here?
At this point I am getting more out of Annie and Sue and the people I am meeting than the conference. It is interesting, but I think I am not the audience the conference wanted to reach. I find my thoughts drifting, only to be lured back in by the speakers reference to something that triggers another mind drift. Why in the world am I sitting on these hard chairs? Oh yea for the information and the last speaker on self publishing.
The last speaker -self publishing -couldn't make it -sent a very nice substitute speaker on the history of publishing.
I left. Annie came with me.
Dinner was at 7pm -it was 4:15. We walked the boards. Talked about the conference. Annie was not feeling well and skipped the dinner and keynote speaker. I dropped in for a little visit with my cousin Dave in the Crest.
Dinner -I was 15 min early and almost everyone was there -the conference room had been cleared already. I sat with about six others. We introduced ourselves and talked about what we wrote -ah -now this is what I had been looking for from the first day. Dinner was good. But I wish the menu had been announced -I would have asked for the chicken to be served without the sauce. I paid for it, so I ate it and enjoyed it! LOL I talked about my blog and found a woman and her husband and friend, from exit 100 on the parkway, that had been to Rocking Horse Dude ranch. What a HOOT! They loved it also!
The keynote speaker was a Vivian Grey who wrote a book :"Moe Berg, The Spy behind Home Plate". She was excellent. Ok, so I still don't know why I am here -but I am having an interesting time and so humbled by all the awesome passion these writers have for their craft.. I don't mean just the speakers, but the conference members as well.
After dinner the winners were announced for the short story and poem entry. The winner was from our table. A woman who joined us after dinner. She was asked if she would like to read her story. It was a sensory description of her trip to the Great Wall of China. It was WOW!
It was good. It was like being able to reach out and absorb her memory of the trip. I could hear it, feel it and smell it.
I now know why I was at this conference. It all came together in this one point in time, After this one reading of a short story by a woman whose name I never even wrote down, Angela something. It all became clear. I may never write a book or even publish. I truthfully don't care.
I was here to be inspired.
Because I know I am a creative writer.
And that is exactly who I want to be, now that I am all grownup.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Wildwood Writers Conference -Day 1
Well today I spent the afternoon attending the Wildwood Writers Conference -it was a first for me . I had never attended one of these workshop -conferences before and I always wanted to. No it wasn't on the list -just something I wanted to do. I had no expectations -just curious. It had been well publicized down here in Cape May County. I am a creative writer and I thought it would be fun to go. My friend (Annie P. Scott.blogspot.com) said she would go with me -she went last year and said it was ok. She has published two books and well, honestly, could have been one of the speakers.
It wasn't fun. It was painful and terrifying .
Why am i here? I kept asking myself. These people are writers and want to be published. I was so overwhelmed. Yet it was interesting. I wonder why I am here? I think I just write for myself and friends. The blog and Christmas letters. My indigestion (heart attack) story for the radio. The stories I am starting to write for the Saturday Avalon Creative writers Group, but that is it. I am no where near the kind of writer I think is in the audience.
Yet...........could I be? Should I be?
Most small groups I have ever participated in, start with an introduction of the scheduled speakers in the audience- no one did. Then a followup with the audience members names (no one has name tags -networking is not the goal here) and what they hope to get out of the conference. I would have added 'how many books have you published?'. Maybe at the end?
The conference has about 25 to 35 people in attendance . It varies and I noticed some people didn't come back after dinner and some people apparently came in after work. The guest speakers are talking on various topics. They all have at least one book , sometimes more, published and on the market. I haven't read any of them, yet. Most seemed prepared to speak to an audience -and have obviously done it before -either teaching or speaking at other writers conferences. They are giving out helpful information , I guess.
I DO know that when one of the speakers told the group that 100% of their family vacation was deductible if they use it as research for their book -I almost fell out of my very hard chair. No that is NOT why I am here!
All these rules and hints and what to do and not to do and don't listen to anyone and get a book on grammar and write write write everyday -work it like a job and write thru all blocks and don't listen to your inner critic and WHY AM I HERE?
So far the limited brave class questions have been real &-filled with emotion.
I think i may have said the wrong thing in the bathroom to some woman who asked if i liked the conference -I was washing my hands and didn't say anything and she was out the door -hello .......she actually came back in to wait for my answer. SO, I told her I didn't know yet.
I don't know if she was upset - but hey, I still don't know why I am here so.................
I will let you know tomorrow after after the conference is over. Yes I am going back.
I may not know why I am there , but I do know I am Scottish and I paid the money for two days. Maybe that is why I am here, to learn how to MARKET a friends books? LOL
It wasn't fun. It was painful and terrifying .
Why am i here? I kept asking myself. These people are writers and want to be published. I was so overwhelmed. Yet it was interesting. I wonder why I am here? I think I just write for myself and friends. The blog and Christmas letters. My indigestion (heart attack) story for the radio. The stories I am starting to write for the Saturday Avalon Creative writers Group, but that is it. I am no where near the kind of writer I think is in the audience.
Yet...........could I be? Should I be?
Most small groups I have ever participated in, start with an introduction of the scheduled speakers in the audience- no one did. Then a followup with the audience members names (no one has name tags -networking is not the goal here) and what they hope to get out of the conference. I would have added 'how many books have you published?'. Maybe at the end?
The conference has about 25 to 35 people in attendance . It varies and I noticed some people didn't come back after dinner and some people apparently came in after work. The guest speakers are talking on various topics. They all have at least one book , sometimes more, published and on the market. I haven't read any of them, yet. Most seemed prepared to speak to an audience -and have obviously done it before -either teaching or speaking at other writers conferences. They are giving out helpful information , I guess.
I DO know that when one of the speakers told the group that 100% of their family vacation was deductible if they use it as research for their book -I almost fell out of my very hard chair. No that is NOT why I am here!
All these rules and hints and what to do and not to do and don't listen to anyone and get a book on grammar and write write write everyday -work it like a job and write thru all blocks and don't listen to your inner critic and WHY AM I HERE?
So far the limited brave class questions have been real &-filled with emotion.
I think i may have said the wrong thing in the bathroom to some woman who asked if i liked the conference -I was washing my hands and didn't say anything and she was out the door -hello .......she actually came back in to wait for my answer. SO, I told her I didn't know yet.
I don't know if she was upset - but hey, I still don't know why I am here so.................
I will let you know tomorrow after after the conference is over. Yes I am going back.
I may not know why I am there , but I do know I am Scottish and I paid the money for two days. Maybe that is why I am here, to learn how to MARKET a friends books? LOL
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Mature Adults Bus Trip
Today, I went on a mature adults bus trip to the Tropicana to see the show 'Best of Broadway" (it was wonderful). Since I don't gamble, I walked around the casino and on the boards and people watched before the show. When I was tired I sat on an empty bench. I now realize it was empty because it was within hearing distance of a very BAD clarinet playing pan handler. Ugh. I was going to go and harass him -Of course, it would have been mean -but I just know he isn't reporting his begging money -but hey I am NOT in charge of the world any more. So I just listened, smiled and enjoyed the sun and breeze.
Then a nice man sat beside me and talked to me while he smoked his cigar (I love the smell of cigars -so shoot me) -yes he asked me lots of questions and since i no longer work for our Uncle I told him ! I was retired etc -he said he had a house on the island, on the point and use to have a business in Pa, seven grandchildren, two sons (one went to PSU :) the other to that university in pittsburgh :(-. An hour and a half he talked to me -it was lunch time -he never asked for my number or even to have lunch with him! He never closed the deal.
So now what about being picked up by a man to old be in my generation -didn't i get? What did I do wrong? I just talked to my friend JMK. and he said I should have asked him for his number and that I would call him next time I was in AC on a bus trip. I should have closed the deal. How easy would that have been ! But nooooooooo.
I am so bad at these things -I cant even ask out old men who chat me up. Geeze.
So, I had a nice time and a beautiful day, didn't loose any money and a seagull didn't shit on me. I was scared a couple of times by this woman walking along by the side me, that needs to do lots more crunches and ab work- oh wait was that a mirror?
Tomorrow I do the Writers Convention in Wildwood.
Ah, the retired life.
Then a nice man sat beside me and talked to me while he smoked his cigar (I love the smell of cigars -so shoot me) -yes he asked me lots of questions and since i no longer work for our Uncle I told him ! I was retired etc -he said he had a house on the island, on the point and use to have a business in Pa, seven grandchildren, two sons (one went to PSU :) the other to that university in pittsburgh :(-. An hour and a half he talked to me -it was lunch time -he never asked for my number or even to have lunch with him! He never closed the deal.
So now what about being picked up by a man to old be in my generation -didn't i get? What did I do wrong? I just talked to my friend JMK. and he said I should have asked him for his number and that I would call him next time I was in AC on a bus trip. I should have closed the deal. How easy would that have been ! But nooooooooo.
I am so bad at these things -I cant even ask out old men who chat me up. Geeze.
So, I had a nice time and a beautiful day, didn't loose any money and a seagull didn't shit on me. I was scared a couple of times by this woman walking along by the side me, that needs to do lots more crunches and ab work- oh wait was that a mirror?
Tomorrow I do the Writers Convention in Wildwood.
Ah, the retired life.
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